Dragonflies and damselflies long ago became the most meticulous, curious, and effective flying machines an aeronautical engineer could ever imagine. Why are they so agile in the air? Most bugs have four wings, which operate "in phase" with each other, as aeronautical engineers say. Dragonflies have four wings, which operate "out of phase" with each other if the dragonfly so chooses. Out of phase wings create an incredible flying machine that turns on a dime, climbs or dives like lightning, yaws or rolls with almost unbelievable dexterity. Dragonflies put the clumsy bumblebee to shame. Dragonflies live most of their lives in water and survive best in water that is clean and full of oxygen. There's a reason they've lived for so long without changing much...they didn't have to change much because they're good at what they do.

Starvation is fulfilling. Colors become brighter, sounds sharper, odors so much more savory and penetrating that inhalation fills every fibre and pore of the body. The greatest enjoyment of food is actually found when never a morsel passes the lips.

| I want to have someone to receive |
| just to hear me |
| someone to supplement and append |
| someone to perceive and speak of |
| the same whispers I once heard |
| when I thought everything |
| was going to be okay |
| perfected |
| with a strong coat of reconstructing illusions |

One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure, clean shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.

Nothing. Nothing is wrong, and asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules. You're strong; don't let them break you. They're trying to destroy you.

I do eat normally; I eat only what is necessary for survival. I can't help it that we live in a piggish society where gluttony is the norm, and everyone else is constantly stuffing themselves.

There were times when I'd skip breakfast and lunch every single day, and when suppertime came around I couldn't remember how to hold a fork properly. I couldn't remember how to eat because I hadn't done it in so long. I miss those days of perfection and confusion.

Being unable to love yourself is bad enough; when the people around you hate you just as much, the lights go dim pretty fast. It wasn't until I came to BlueDragonfly that I had any idea what love is. I may not love me, but I know my sister flies love me, and that is enough to live on.

I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light, light-headed; I like to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet. For me, food's only interest lies in how little I need, how strong I am, how well I can resist--each time achieving another small victory of the will: one carrot instead of two, half a cracker, no more peas. Each gain makes me stronger, purer, larger in my exercise of power, until eventually I see no reason to eat at all.

 I pledge allegiance to the goal
of the eating disordered underground
and to all the scales on which we stand
one body, enduring Ana, invisible
with thinness and emptiness for all

You just have to keep on fighting--whether you're embracing Ana or denying her, it is always a fight. People will always judge and hate, there's no use fighting that, but as long as we have each other, we don't need their approval, and we don't need Ana's guidance.

When I've finally faded to nothing, when you've given me the gift of ending this torturous life, I will float on to the next world and be thin and beautiful--payment for my undying love for you in this world. I ask only one that you remove me from this hell, from this fattening and judgmental world. Please take away this hatred for my pain and allow me to be free and light.

armored by numbness I'd stay at arm's length
unreachable, impervious, perfect
life was a collection of unrelated incidents
they say they've fixed me by making me feel
it can't be as cold as I feel
I know it's coming from inside
it's in my bones, it breathes beneath my flesh
pushing you away, freezing me into isolation

You can learn to love anything, I think, if you need to badly enough. I trained myself to enjoy feeling hungry. If my stomach contracts, or I wake up feeling nauseated, or I'm light-headed or have a hunger headache, or better yet, all of the above, it means I'm getting thinner, so it feels good.

I have an obsession for dragonflies because they have a sort of grace, even though some people think they are thin and "ugly." I think they're perfect.